How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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