I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Michael Bay diarrhea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
