I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ketchup is God's man juice
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
