I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
