Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
