The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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