at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize