It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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