Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
