you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
