That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
