I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
