I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
