I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just wanna soil my oats bro
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize