Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
