We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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