You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
