I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
