i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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