don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do vagina's smell?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize