There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
