I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
