Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
