My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will pee on everything he values.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
