so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
