apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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