shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
