listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
