I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
50% drunk capacity currently
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
