This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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