five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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