Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
