Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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