For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
