I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
