Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
