life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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