she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
