So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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