EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
