Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
