Swine flu. Run for my life!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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