This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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