Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
