Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
