I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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