I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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