Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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