and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
