A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
