I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
