for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
