i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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