i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
