remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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