Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize