She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
