I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize