508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sobbing to NWA
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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