It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no you cant smoke seaweed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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