the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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