It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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