I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
