Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
