It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
