i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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