My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
