i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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