I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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