I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish I only lived at night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize