We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
