I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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